What can I do when I hated the system but I am in the system, stuck and can't barely see any other choices than this? See, I wake up at 5/7 am , go to work until 6/8 pm and get back home and do the same thing again and again and again, most of the times I can't get the chance to see and embrace the day. And It have been like some kind of ritual that I already get used to it. And trust me, killing myself is more fun than stuck in this dead person corpse.
I rarely go out with my friend, the only place I get to gather around and hang with my friends is at any gig venue nearby my home. But well sometimes I accompany my friend to buy her home grocery and went our for a drink, and that's it. I miss my friends, the road trip , the unplanned backpack getaway and all.
But somehow,being like this is just an excused for me to avoid everyone you know, because I have no idea how to cope with my anxiety and the only thing I can do is to pretend that I'm okay and force myself to be in the crowd. But it's actually sad when you don't even feel you are one of them. So I make myself stuck with this working thing and make myself believed that I got no time to be alive, but perhaps this is the best. I'm better off when I don't mixed in with a bigger crowd.
I hate the system but what choice do I have? and I'm not proud to say this but I am a machine set up to be a slave for money. But this past few month have change my life, and I have no idea if it's a good or a bad thing but i'm in it.
