off.

i want to be off
i need to be off
i have to be off.

pretending to sleep.

She find herself waking up in a different room and with her is a different person every different morning with a different kind of love. And she`ll leave once her eyes is open and it`s okay if her head is somehow heavy with all the junk she take because her feet is always light if she going to the door and leave.

And every time she`s trying to sleep , it only get loud with those voices and picture in her mind . So she`ll pretend to sleep.

because love hurt,

and she love to feel the hurt

knowing that it demand to be feel.

home not so sweet home.

sometimes I would rather be at home watching all of them spending time together, laughing teasing and smiling out of joy ; even though I know that , they are just faking it. and my horrible side is just lying to myself, pretending that I've witnessing a moment of happiness that is happening in front of me , and make em feel alive.

but it never last because they will start picking a fight and the screaming will filled the house and they end up cursing one another , and there's a tense , a bad one , the one that I've been hoping it'll be gone a long time ago. And momma , doesn't she deserved a happiness O god?

And everyone else would probably be laughing at us , for how bad we have become as a family. Or some will just be pity for us , for how pathetic we have become.

and all I ever have witness for this twenty plus years of mine is, sadness , a complete confused type of sadness in everyone heart.

And I think I'm done.

It probably be better when I'm gone , they might probably realized that all their ego has blocked all the happiness that trying to crawled into this home. Or at least,my bad luck wont be near to them anymore.

but 

none of this is matter ,

none about me is ;

so just please be happy there.

while I take this cursed away from all of you,

while I take this su(m)ey away from all of you.

x

"its funny how the worse things happen to the best people kan"

dia cakap ,
dan kita gelak.

x

ever wonder if some of us is treated like a smoke,
they wanted us so they light us up,
and inhales every inch of us,
trapped us in their lung,
wanted to own us whole.

until at the some point they are tired of us,
they exhale everything of us ,
and nothing is left anymore ,
they let the wind take us ,
for the air to eat us,


until we are disappear.