In a red car, and I was to drunk, and she just drive and drive and drive to nowhere because we don't know where to go. And I just enjoying myself watching those tree and sky moving. The car stop, and you get in and sit beside me with your paranoid face. You talk a lot to me, but I just keep quiet because there's nothing else to talk about. She tell you that I drink a lot and she wanted to tell you everything else but I ask her to shut her fucking mouth because I want you to know nothing about me, but she keep talking and talking so I shout at her "dia dah ada makwe bodoh, kau diam boleh".
And she ask you something that I can't hear, then suddenly you start explaining everything about your choice. I wanted to shout to you I wanted you to be quiet but I just can't say a thing. My mouth is lock so I have no fucking choice except to hear it.
Kau cakap orang yang dah lost yang diri dia dah rabak and damaged,can't be save anymore. Dan sebagai manusia, you have to be selfish you have to choose the thing that make you happy and alive, so you choose her because you don't want to stuck with this damaged girl who bring trouble to you any more. Kau cakap lagi, dia selalu ikut kau travel naik train, nyanyi sama-sama bila kau busking, korang even dah plan nak beli rumah. Aku diam dan tiba-tiba terbangun dari tidur. Bagus juga aku sedar sebab panjang lebar kau nak cerita dekat aku.
It just that, there's nothing important for you to know about me now and why am I being like this even though I hate being like this, it just not me, I don't feel like me at all. And same goes to me, I want to know nothing about you even if it hard for me but I try to make my self believe that you are not real,you are just someone from my delusion.
And there's nothing to be angry about you and her. I'm glad you guys together and I don't care you two can just fucking be happy with your life, none of my business. I just don't find the need for you to explain anything to me cuz nothing have to do with me so why the hell explain right? Just be happy and alive, that enough for me to know.
It just me I guess, I don't know why is it still haunting me even though every night I keep whispering to myself that everything is not real everyone is not real you are not real I'm not real and I'm okay I'm not sad I'm happy but still I end up being like this. But well than I get used to it in fact I'm in love with it even thought I know it's bad for me but still, I'm happy. Guess I have lost fighting for myself and she's the one who conquer me now.
Oh well anyway it just a dream and I'm writing this at 3:25 am and I'm giving up on sleeping mm soooo ... yeah.
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