fri/ends.

I was so hungry just now, remembering that I don't have enough money to buy food anymore that I have to starve myself sometimes and that I need to collect another rm3++ for my license by next week before my JPJ and I have no idea how to get it. And I'm ashamed to tell them about how broke I am right now every time they ask me to lepak that sometimes I feel like, I don't want to meet anyone at all. Cuz every time we are chilling they have to spend some cash for me just because I don't have any money and I hate it when people pay for my food, I know they don't mind about it but its me, and I hate it. 

And then I cried because I was so fucking hungry and broke and I have no idea how I'll end up in the future because everything doesn't turn out so well for me lately and I wanted to give up. I can just climb on the balcony and jump from this forth floor and turn myself off. But I'm afraid that what if I jump, I wont end up death and turn out that I might only got several injured, ain't that a fucking waste.

So in this tiny room of me in it, crying about how pathetic I've been and how hungry I am right now, a friend of mine texted me and ask me to get ready because his on his way to my home to take me out for a dinner. So I checked the money that I hide in the novel I have been reading, I got about rm15 and I can afford to pay for my dinner tonight! (*ps I don't want to but anymore maggi because I'm afraid I might turn to be bald and my hair right now have been falling off for quite a lot since I eat maggi a lot for the past month)

It's been quite a 30minutes ride until we arrived to the place where we decided to eat, we don't talk a lot until both of us have finished our food. I thought I caused the silence since I've been overthinking and it effect my mood. But no, tonight feel melancholic and everyone were affected with it. And then he started talking about this girl he liked but there's a friend of us that kinda disturbed them and then bla bla bla we end up talking about our friends; those who used to be our friends and those who still stay with us.

Last year tragedy effect us so bad and it make all of us to be more aware to those people around us. We fucking judge their sincerity, we would tried to investigate if they got their hidden agenda and if it would harm us, we would walk away first or distance our self from em. I'm okay with being friend with anyone, i'm just tired to deal with anymore drama. I got no more time to waste for other people bullshit and etc etc. Cuz all I wanted is a pure sincere friendship, and that is.

"kadang-kadang aku rindu juga dorang weh, sebab tu aku ajak kau jalan tempat dorang kadang-kadang, tapi aku kalis-kalis ah ayat aku pasal aku nak nampak cool haha"

"aku sekarang ni rasa kalau dah blah dari babi-babi, aku tak nak dah amek tau pasal taik-taik dorang lagi dah, buang masa"

"aah ek, kita je ingat dorang risau pasal dorang tapi dorang tak ingat pun kat kita ek"

"dorang ingat kita, dorang ingat buruk-buruk kita je baik kita semua tak pernah pun wujud kat dorang"