and so. (I)

Life wasn't good to me before, in fact it never been good to me. Well that what life is to everyone I guess.

And so I am a student now, it has been two years now. I used to daydreaming about being in college, learning new things, meeting everyone new and all that stuff and wondering what happen if I try to further my study. Am I a better version of me? Will my future be brighter? Can I make momma be proud of me too? And now, I am a student but not in college taking degree on engineer, or a doctor, or a pilot (things that I wanted to be); but still I've got the chance to be a student and i'm learning things that I never have interest in, fashion and design. 

Oh well I grab this chance just because I was losing my hope to live. I got fired from my last work and then got reject from every work I've applied , and that feeling my friend is a lot more worst than a heartbreak. Things is, i'm feeling like i'm wasting my time. Is this what I really wanted? Being a student and broke as hell, when I can just try and work my ass off. Oh yah I got money issue, I realized this because all my friend is working now and being the only one who is still studying is sucks. It's like i'm stuck here when everyone else is evolving, building up their empire, being better everyday. And i am, still the same.

And so I got new friends now. Well nothing new with it, everyone making friends. Thing is, I tried not to cut other people off anymore; so I treat em like a family. But the drama and all, even tho I try not to get involved, it still got the effect. I will still lose friends, and that's hella sad. Well things just happen I guess no matter how hard you try to fix it, if it meant to be broken well there's nothing you can do anymore.

Or maybe it just me. I'm giving up on those people who's leaving. But that doesn't mean I didn't try to talk to em and try to make things right. I did, and it didn't work. And these "friendship" things, I think i'm giving up with these too. I do know a lot of people but to call em friends, only few deserved it. And another thing, I don't know if this is an "old people things" but I find it better if i'm alone. I have find the comfort in this loneliness that I try to avoid being with others. But i'm not sure if this is a good thing bcuz I got a bad feeling with it.