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I have been creepy, overly creepy lately. And last night when I was having my break down, I don't know what I'm thinking I actually call my friend and ask him to tell me story , any story,any thing to make that noise stop. I just want to distract myself , but I end up being a creep. I don't talk much to him, I was just crying that time while playing my knife (oh and look how weak I am now, ha ha ha laugh at me).

I have been like this since I'm a kid, but that time I'm full of hatred full of anger. I hate seeing my ugly face crying so I tell myself, stop crying you look even ugly, no one care so just stop it. And somehow I'm strong that time. I always angry but I end up keeping it to myself, because I know no one care. I know it's bad but somehow I managed it , I managed ignoring everything.

So right now,

I'm not going to expect someone will care because I know , no one ever care. And I'm not going to expect every night I will wake up seeing my corpse in the bed and kiss her goodbye, NO. I know I will still having breakdown every night and I will keep hurting myself. But I try, I will try to fight this. I have done this before , I'm sure I will do it again. Because I know I'm not this weak, or at least I'm trying to be strong now.